"Two moms and one dad", a type of coparenting that is already a reality

09 Mar · Co-parenting


Marta and Lucía are two lesbian friends of mine who make a beautiful couple. They have been together for several years and have recently decided to grow their family. Luckily, they live in a country where they are allowed to do this. A country where being a lesbian is not a crime and is it not incompatible with being a mother. 

They were telling me about the different options they were considering in order to make their dream come true: adoption, artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization through the ROPA method. I talked to them about coparenting and I was surprised to discover that they were not aware of this option yet. 

Therefore, I have decided to share more about this effective and inclusive option to have children. Today in particular, we talk about the case of being a lesbian with a partner and seeking coparenting with a man who wants to get involved. We are talking about a completely new family model made up of two mums and a dad. 

Advantages of coparenting in this case


We have already talked at length about the advantages of coparenting. But in this specific case, there are mainly two reasons why two lesbian women decide to choose coparenting:

  • In the first place and unlike other options such as adoption or sperm donation, coparenting allows the child to have a father figure, in addition to two wonderful moms.
  • With coparenting, on the other hand, the sperm donor is not anonymous and the baby will be able to know his/her origins from the outset.

There are additional advantages, such as emotional and financial support from a third person. By choosing coparenting, the 2-mum couple will be able to share the responsibilities and challenges of motherhood with someone else.

Factors to consider


Despite the many advantages, a number of factors must also be considered before engaging in such coparenting process. 

In this specific case there is no surprise factor, and the pregnancy will be a much desired one. There is time to think, plan and anticipate any potential inconveniences.

The most important points to keep in mind before starting this type of coparenting are:

  • Decide which of the two mothers is going to get pregnant:

It is necessary to decide which one will undergo the insemination process, what method will be used to get pregnant (natural method, home insemination or artificial insemination) or if it will be an in vitro fertilization process through the ROPA method (a process in which the two mothers actively participate: one as a genetic mother who provides the egg and the other as a pregnant mother who gives birth to the baby).

  • Clarify the responsibilities of the coparents involved:

The level of parental responsibility will depend on several factors and on the level of contact that each of the parties wishes to have with the child. Any potential issues regarding individual contact and responsibility must be addressed before any process begins. 

  • Check the legal regulations in your region: 

This point is key and Copaping always recommends seeking legal advice in your region, to make sure that you are fully aware of the regulations, rights and duties of all adults involved.

  • To decide who the legal parents will be 

This is a complex but very important part. With the exception of a few states in the US where a child may have more than two legally recognized parents, in the rest of the world a child can only have one or two legal parents, but not three or four. Therefore, in the case of coparenting involving more than two coparents, it is necessary to understand that not all parties may be legal parents and understand the consequences linked to this. 

I hope this article has been useful to you. My friends Marta and Lucía are already considering coparenting as a possibility to make their dream of being mothers come true. What about you? Were you aware of this option when considering having children?

I would love to read your opinion and experience in the comments.


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